You’re a fully-trained collaborative family lawyer. But has finding the ideal collaborative family law client so far proved something of a trial?
You first trained in collaborative family law because you thought this would be a better way for unhappy couples to split. You thought to avoid all that adversarial posturing in the divorce courts. You hoped everyone would be more ‘co-operative’ than ‘Clash of the Titans’. And, at the start of a 4-way collaborative session, while you recognise it’s unlikely the parties will peck each other matily on the cheek, you hope they’ll at least be able to discuss their futures in a civilised manner.
Of course the situation is hard. Your prospective collaborative client will probably have tried for years to make the marriage ‘work’. S/he may even want to stay married to the person s/he’s divorcing or separating from. Or it may be that s/he just wants the whole process to end so that ‘life’ can resume. ‘Life’, however, especially when children are involved, is not that obliging.
So – how do you recognise whether the person now sitting across the desk from you is your ideal collaborative client?
Well, for a start, you notice, this person is not crying. S/he is not even eyeing the box of tissues that you’ve taken to placing in pole position on the desk. This is a good start. Nothing is more frustrating and costly than a client weeping all over their lawyer.
This person is also listening hard to what you’re saying. Unusually, you find, you don’t have to repeat yourself. The client also seems to know precisely what s/he wants from life. And s/he can express this – politely, calmly and without bitterness. The client, it now seems, has taken control of the process – making confident decisions about a future based on clear understanding of your eminently sensible account of the options that lie ahead. This could very well be your dream client.
But, if the consultation is not working out so smoothly, what can you do?
Well, the trick, it seems, lies in encouraging the earliest possible client contact with a family consultant. And, as gatekeeper, you are in a position to make the introduction. The benefits are manifest. Coaches, for example, encourage client self-awareness and improve clients’ communication skills and capacity for empathy. After coaching, clients more clearly envisage the future. And this magic works for individuals, couples and/or family groups. Clients – empowered in these ways – are also much easier to help.
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