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  1. First buy yourself a notebook – nothing so beautiful you don’t want to write in it!
  2. Take up your pen and write from the heart
  3. Don’t fuss about grammar etc. Keep going – don’t stop to correct or edit
  4. Express and release all those emotions, fears, and anger sloshing about inside. Write and release to avoid the bad effects of keeping these feelings bottled up.
  5. Write until you feel you can’t write any more – write till you’re exhausted of feeling. Don’t be arbitrary eg. Morning pages (3 pages, every morning etc) Write when you feel so full you may burst if you don’t do something!
  6. Use your journal as your sounding board, the counselor in your pocket, say anything you like to your journal – it will not judge you.
  7. Writing in your journal is a way you can safely yell at your ex-spouse  – create the letters you’d like to send but never will. eg to your ex’s new lover, inlaws. This is your arena for a fight.
  8. The only rule is to date each entry  (The Date rule may help in court but will also help you review your progress.)
  9. Use your journal to record any physical symptoms – BP, rapid heart rate, fast breathing, energy level etc This way you are using your journal as a well-being tool.

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Before a meeting with you, neither of the people in front of you may have had the opportunity to consider what is happening to them and what it is they really want.

People have different needs – for emotional intimacy, social intimacy, recreation, and intellectual stimulation.  And a partner may sometimes be able to supply some of these needs.  But they will not be able to supply all of these needs all of the time.  So, if one partner keeps on asking for what s/he has never been given, s/he will never feel satisfied or loved.  You can help clients understand this.

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